I am a licensed counselor working in the mental health field for the past 11 years. In February, 2010, I gave birth to my daughter. I had my first intrusive thoughts about harming her 36 hours later.
My initial diagnosis was PPD, but that confused me because I was really not depressed, I was just scared out of my mind. I could still shower everyday, take care of my daughter and keep our house clean. I was terrified about being alone with my baby, and did everything I could to ensure that would not happen.
After a lot of time, therapy, med changes and self-help books, I have reached a stable state of recovery. As you well know, my search for books that would help me understand what was happening to me and/or give me access to other women who have experienced this came up mostly empty. The first book that really addressed this issue was Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts: Breaking the Cycle of Unwanted Thoughts in Motherhood.
This is a wonderful book, and has served to reinforce all the learning I did on my own as I poured though books that were aimed at general OCD symptoms. I want to offer my sincere thanks for this badly needed source of support.