My clients are suffering from all of the suffering.
There's so much pain, all around. It's everywhere. I know it and feel it. They know it and feel it. On top of that, there is the incongruous guilt of not suffering enough or trying to enjoy one's life but intrusive thoughts of omnipresent pain takes center stage. Between relentless wars, ferocious weather catastrophes and everything in-between, it appears to be unending.
We all feel it. We all question: How can I enjoy my life when so many people are suffering?
While listening to the steady questions that have no answers, and trying, along with my clients, to find meaning in all of this suffering, I remember the teaching of Susan Talve, the fabulously inspirational Rabbi of Central Reform Congregation in St Louis. Susan tells the story of when she officiated at a wedding shortly after the death of her mother. The effort to balance her deep grief with the wonderful celebration surrounding her, inspired her to share this lesson to us all: While she didn’t feel like dancing, the observation and appreciation of the delight on the faces of those around her and feeling the love in her heart was powerfully healing.
Her story teaches us that it is the not sadness we are obliged to experience when others are suffering, it is the joy.
While it may feel counter-intuitive, I have learned (still working on it!) that, in addition to my instinctive reaction to join in the immediate grief response, it then becomes our task, our responsibility, to ourselves and to the sufferers, to experience and spread joy.
Joy? In the face of such incomprehensible suffering?
Most definitely.
You see, if we are all sad, and continue to worry and perseverate about the million “what-if” scenarios, we add nothing constructive to the already shattered attempt to make sense and move on. If we wallow in the hopelessness, which is so tempting to do, we broaden the scope of the already pervasive anxiety. The air around us becomes laden with despair. And that, does no one, any good at all.
The world needs more joy when there is widespread suffering. I am not talking about the pleasure of seeing a great movie on a Sunday afternoon. Nor am I talking about the enjoyment of a delicious piece of dark chocolate after a scrumptious meal. Here, the joy I refer to is the unmitigated joy that comes from the power of connectedness. The appreciation of nature, the generosity of spirit, the blessing of our families, laughter with loved ones, nourishment from friends, the tolerance of differences, and random acts of genuine kindness.
Those of us who feel we overidentify with the pervasive suffering inundated by the news and into our hearts, need to learn how to watch others dance. The balance that comes from finding joy amid the darkness, is how we begin to heal.
Love your children. Feel the gratitude. Embrace it. Try not to feel guilty if you are able to find and feel joy and love. Experience the healing energy that comes from loving and share it with strangers. Pay it forward. Extend the joy as far as you can, then, let the contagious nature of joy carry it even further.
Learning how to find joy when there is so much suffering is a skill that we must all continue to cultivate.
It is not easy to do. It is, however, essential that we try.
Thanks to Susan and Miriam.
Adapted from original article 2012 Karen Kleiman, MSW, LCSW postpartumstress.com
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