#speakthesecret
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
“This thread is amazing. Needs to be turned into a list and handed out to expecting moms by every ob/gyn. They tell women everything under the sun about what to expect for 9 months; why not this?!”
“I think it’s wonderful you’re making this list for new moms. It would have been reassuring for me to know I was ‘normal'”
“Scary Thoughts” is an expression used to encompass any and all categories of upsetting thinking that can interfere with the well-being of a new mother. Scary thoughts refer to negative, repetitive, unwanted and/or intrusive thoughts or images that can bombard you at any time (Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel, 2010). Scary thoughts are anxiety-driven, they are extremely COMMON, and most new mothers admit that have, at some time, imagined or worried about harm coming to their babies. The shame of having these thoughts can prevent women from speaking about them. In response to women telling us they feel isolated and ashamed of their thoughts, we asked women to share their scary thoughts in an attempt to help them express these distressing ruminations, so they can get relief and also help other mothers understand how universal this phenomenon is.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Thoughts of suicide are scary, but they are in a different category from anxiety-driven “scary thoughts” to which we refer on this page. If you are having thoughts of suicide, this should always be taken seriously and we urge you to find someone you trust and let them know how you are feeling.
The objective of our #speakthesecret campaign is to obliterate the stigma attached to scary thoughts which are so common in new motherhood.
Our page is an ongoing list of the thoughts that brave women have chosen to share in the hopes of helping women know they are not alone and that having scary thoughts is common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. We will add thoughts as they are submitted.
DISCLAIMER: This list is anonymous. We do not ask for any identifying information and therefore are unable to contact you. You can contact us at any time if you want to modify or delete your submission. We reserve the right to edit or not include a submission if, for any reason, we feel its content is unsuitable for this forum and are not able to respond to individual clinical or medical concerns. We may decide to create a meme from your words which may be (anonymously) posted on various social media platforms.
Please keep in mind that this forum is not a substitute for professional intervention and submitting your scary thought will NOT give you access to treatment. There is no follow-up after you post. If you are worried about the way you feel, we urge you to contact a support person and a qualified healthcare provider. If you need assistance locating a provider who can help you, please email us at support@postpartumstress.com.
My baby was going to die in the middle of the night and I was going to find her in her crib cold and lifeless.
I want to constantly run away from it all. Change my name; where I live, what I do and pretend I don't have children or a husband
I fear someone, including family members sexually abuse my daughter
I fear I have mucked up so much, and will continue so, that well child tamariki ora providers will take them away
It’s my fault the twins came early. I did all I could to get them to 37 weeks but it wasn’t enough. My body failed me
I really don’t want to hear my friends complain about their one child. I have twins and they’re so much work. Sometimes I feel robbed in my motherhood
It’s my fault the twins came early. I did all I could to get them to 37 weeks but it wasn’t enough. My body failed me.
I'm scared when someone else is holding her they will accidentally drop her or they will take her around the corner where I cant see her and she cant see me and she will get hurt. I will never know exactly what happened because I wont have seen it for myself and they won't tell me the truth or I wont believe them. It will be my fault for letting them hold her in the first place.
My three year old never wants me around anymore. He only wants dad. I cry every time I think about it.
I'm an irresponsible mom because I don't have my driver license yet and neither does her dad. I cannot believe we are parents who don't drive. Where is our independence for her?
My husband and I were looking at old pictures of ourselves when he said “look, you’re smiling, back before we had kids and they sucked the life out of you”
It crushed me, because he was right, and because he sees me the same way I see myself…
I can’t get near any elevated surfaces. What if I throw my baby off of a high ledge or balcony or ladder? Don’t picture what that would look like or it might come true.
I think I made a mistake being a mom
♥ THANK YOU ♥
to all the brave women who continue to disclose their scary thoughts.
Together, we will educate many and help reduce the anxiety and stigma. #speakthesecret